The more distressed the client, the more it often seems related to a history of chronic, repeated conflict, neglect, abuse and other relational disruptions that they experienced as a child.  As in my own case, a relatively peaceful relational experience can trigger off emotional/relational memories which can then negatively affect our experience/relationship with ourself and others.  A common-sense view might be that we can never change what happened in the past and we should just learn to cheer up and get on with it.  Unfortunately knowing what we should do does not necessarily make it easy to do it.  A relational, Integrative therapy does offer the possibility of increasing awareness of triggers and associated cognitive, emotional and behavioural reactions, It also assists in allowing us to learn skills of deep self soothing, accessing and re-processing of cognitive, emotional, somatic and behavioural responses.  It also gives us empathic insight into our own reactions and the reactions of others and the courage to become more assertive and self disclosing in our current relationships with partners, family and friends.