Outlining the connections between upbringing and later psycho-physical-emotional-relational problems might be seen as taking a somewhat fatalistic and deterministic approach. By assigning importance to early childhood experiences and recognising their developmental significance can one ever hope to escape one’s early limitations?  What is the role and effectiveness of therapy and what makes an integrated, relational approach a good choice?  As children, we all have had the need  (and still have a current need) to feel unconditionally loved and accepted, forgiven when we made mistakes, reassured when we felt doubt or fear, encouraged to pursue our dreams and respected as being someone worthlistening to.  If this has not happened, or not happened enough, then we have had to repress our needs for contact-in-relationship  and have been left with an unmet sense of need or yearning.  Since our need was and is relational, it can only be met on a relational basis, via a relationship or relationships where there is contact that is safe, respectful, nurturing and emotionally intimate.  Hence we all look for contact-full relationships and seek out partners who can meet our needs.  To the extent that our unmet needs have caused us to variously internalise chronic patterns such as tension,  shame, self criticism and disgust, chronic anger and resentment, anxiety, a sense of worthlessness, hopelessness and lack of entitlement; any partner that we choose may find it difficult to live up to our desires and unconscious expectations.  They may also be limited in their ability to be present and contact-full  due to their own developmental, relational experiences. When partners do not fully meet, yearning is left unsatisfied and emotional distance, conflict and frustration may occur, along with an emotional  roller coaster of highs and lows that are preoccupying but ultimately unsustaining.   Both the child's and adult's needs are fundamentally about consistency and safety to allow the internalisation of feeling a core sense of security, belonging
and self value.    
Where a partner or partners can fail, a therapist capable of being empathic, fully attuned to a client's needs and emotionally real in relationship, can make a difference, by consistently  acknowledging and accepting the unmet yearning (needs) and offering support, reassurance and encouragement for the client to both accept and value their own needs, behave in ways that are self sustaining and work on defining and achieving relationships that are mutually beneficial.   As years of research has shown, it is the quality of relationship that exists between therapist and client that is a defining factor in the success of therapy, and it is only over time (and numbers of sessions) that qualities of safety, consistency, acceptance and reassurance can be experienced and newly internalised.